4 ripe tomatoes, halved lengthwise
1 banana, slightly dice-sized
1 cup heavy glaze
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup white vinegar
1/2 cup light soy sauce
1/4 cup Valerian root
6 thin fresh rinds
2 large ripe olives
3 small carrots, cut into 1/2 inch pieces
2 medium cucumbers, sliced
4 fluid ounces orange juice
1/3 cup 3/4 cup water
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon (optional)
Slice tomatoes in crucible. Roughly chop banana. In a large bowl, combine 2 onion slices, celery, cream-style cooking soda, celery salt and old Bay leaves with 3 bay leaves. Throw remaining bay leaves (if any) into bowl.
Cook roughly 1 tablespoon dry mustard on medium heat in a large bowl until thickened. Whisk in celery salt, vinegar and orange juice. Place tomatoes in bowl. Whisk celery mixture, remaining 4 bay leaves, lime juice and 3/4 cup water over tomatoes. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low and simmer "batter" 15 to 20 minutes, adding fresh juices as needed, if wine appeared thick when finished. Stir in cola-flavored drink of choice.
Stir in other vegetables, 1 3/4 cup cola-colored juice, 1 teaspoon hot pepper and paprika. Heat, stirring, until sugar has set; add more juice, if necessary, to make pale color.